So thankful for my preemies!

Very thankful for my very healthy preemie today on

World prematurity awareness day!  

One of his former NICU nurses asked if they

could put up a little display of him in their NICU 

Hall of encouragement.  That's what I like to call it.

When Lincoln was in the NICU I would stop in this hallway, 

on my way to pump, and read each of the babies stories

and find encouragement in all of them.  They were all doing

so well now and had come such a long way.  

When she asked if Lincoln could be put up there I cried.

I cried because he is one of those that is doing well 

and has come such a long way.  I'm so blessed 

and happy.  So many times, things could've gone SO, SO wrong

for both he and I, but it didn't.  It wasn't time for either of us 

to go.  And I'm so thankful I have the chance to be his mommy. 

Here is the display that's hung in the hallway: 

and since the writing is super small here is what it says:

"After Lincoln's mom experienced her water breaking at 24 weeks in her pregnancy, everyone prepared for him to make his entrance into this world far too early.  When labor symptoms never appeared, doctors took extra precautions not to introduce infection and his mom was ordered bed rest here at the hospital until delivery.  Although her water had broken, a mother's body still continues to produce amniotic fluid, and amazingly, Lincoln always had just enough near his mouth so he was able to continue to develop his lungs.  He waited another 7 weeks before her body decided it was time.  She had come down with pre-eclampsia and later, HELLP syndrome.  Lincoln was born via emergency c-section at 31 weeks 5 days. He weighed 3lbs 6oz and was 15 3/4 in. long.  Everyone expected his lungs to be severely underdeveloped but he shocked everyone when he didn't need oxygen and was breathing on his own.  After 6 weeks in the NICU, struggling to learn how to eat and a hernia surgery, he was released to go home!

Lincoln is now a very energetic, curious and tender-hearted 3 year old who definitely keeps his parents on their toes!"  

I love BOTH of my preemies! :)

Caedmon's Birth Story {part 2}

Read part 1 {Here}

7:30am

I was finally able to be wheeled out of triage and into my labor and delivery room.  The nurses were doing shift change so I had three different ones come in to do my check in papers.  I was asked if I wanted an epidural in case I did do a vbac and without hesitation I said, "yes!"  I know my body and the very low pain tolerance that I have and had no qualms with accepting something that made those contractions (once I started feeling them) go away.  So the anesthesiologist came in to tell me about what to expect.

After all that commotion we were left alone for quite awhile, while my contractions and Caedmon were being monitored.  We waited for my Dr. (who actually happened to be the one on call that day) to come in and talk to us.  A couple hours passed by with no change and I was SO bored.  I was on facebook actually chatting with another girl in my mom's group who was getting induced the same day just at a difference hospital.  It made me laugh that we were both having babies the same day and just messaging back and forth during labor :)

Good thing Tyler painted my toes for me a couple days before hand :)

11:00am

Since my contractions were regular, my Dr. just took his time coming to see us.  Which was fine but waiting around was killing me.  He came in and asked what I wanted to do.  If I wanted to just go ahead with a c-section or do something about getting my contractions going.  I asked what we could do and he said he could give me up to half the regular amount of pitocin.  This was news to me because I had thought all along that if you wanted to vbac that there was absolutely no type of induction.  The risk of uterine rupture without an induction is 1% and with an induction it increases to 1.5%.

This was so hard for me to make this decision because after just sitting in my labor and delivery room all morning with no change, I was leaning more towards a c-section because I didn't want to just sit around all day hoping for a vbac and ending up with a c-section anyways.  In a way I was ready to just give up. So I asked a very unfair question to my Dr. :)

"What would you advise your wife to do if she was in my situation?" tee hee

(thanks Megan for telling me to do that!)

He said, after a couple minutes of thought...."I would tell her we have a level 3 NICU and O.R. right

down the hall and to go for it."

It was all I needed to hear and I was given a new sense of "Ok, I can do this!"

12:00pm

They started me on pitocin and increased a little every half hour.  They only gave me half the normal amount and wouldn't go over that.  I could definitely tell it was working.  Those contractions started coming right away.  They were strong but I was able to relax and breathe inbetween them.  They were about 3-4 minutes apart for a couple hours.  I would doing "ok" with the pain.  My nurse checked me right when they started the pitocin and I was 1-2cm dilated.  So I was trying to make it as far as I could before asking for an epidural because I knew they are know to slow things down.

The best position for enduring those painful contractions was sitting up in a rocking chair and leaning over as far forward as I could, almost in a fetal position (as much as my bulging belly would allow :).  My nurse kept coming in wondering what I was doing during the contractions because they would keep losing Caedmon's heart rate when I would bend over like that.  She tried a few different things because they wanted to see how he was handling the contractions (he was doing great).  I tried to sit differently but nothing helped except to bend over.

Tyler was trying everything he could to help distract me and so he was looking for movies on TV and I'm crazy and wanted to watch the movie, "Knocked Up."  The nurses thought I was hilarious watching this movie about pregnancy and birth while I'm in labor.  I joked with them that I was gonna be in labor forever and Katherine Heigl's character was going to get pregnant, have her entire pregnancy and actually have her baby before me!  But the movie did help to distract me a little.  When that stopped working, Tyler when down to the gift shop and bought some cards so we could play a game.  Then he got up to my room again and we couldn't remember how to play a "slow two person game" since I couldn't move fast enough to play Slap Jack etc. :)

Caedmon Jay is here!

So I haven't even had a chance to post my 35 week update.
I took a picture on Wednesday, not knowing that was going to be my last bump picture!
That's right, Thursday morning my water broke and Caedmon Jay made his appearance
into the world that evening.

Caedmon Jay
5 lbs 15 oz.
18 inches
6:54pm
December 15, 2011
(He chose the right "date" just the wrong month!)

I'll post his exciting birth story soon but until then enjoy some pictures!

Our sweet little boy is here!

He was wide awake right after birth

Our little family of FOUR!

So in love with this little man.

Somebody just wanted to make sure he was here in time for Christmas.

expectations

pregnancy edition

It's so funny how I'm viewing this pregnancy differently than when I was pregnant with Lincoln.  When I was pregnant with Lincoln (before 24 weeks) everything was picture perfect.  I went for monthly doctor visits, we had our sonogram and found out it was a boy, I felt FABULOUS, I was so excited about my growing belly, my doctor even told me at my last "normal" visit (day before my water broke) that I was a boring patient.  Ummmm hello doc you just totally jinxed me! 

23 weeks preggo with Lincoln

And so far, even though this pregnancy has been different, symptoms-wise, and we had some worries early on but right now (in the weeks between 10-20) everything seems to be going just like it did last time.  And since last time was perfect until 24 weeks I've been able to stay calm and worry less about the here and now.  Things seem to be going well and so I'm just going with the flow.  What I'm worried about though is that 24 week mark.  I feel like I'm going to be so paranoid about my water breaking every second of the day from the day I turn 24 weeks, until I deliver.  I'm praying that that isn't the case and that God would keep my heart calm through it all.  But it's funny how expectations are. 

With Lincoln's pregnancy I had all sorts of expectations and because of those expectations I was broken.  I wanted it all to look a certain way and to experience certain parts of pregnancy that I feel were ripped away from me.  And it's taken time but I've gotten over those things.  But this time around I am so goal oriented with making it to certain weeks.  24, then 28, then 32, then 34 and who knows, maybe even 40!  But my expectations are so much lower of this pregnancy and I'm not sure how I feel about that.  I think it's just my way of guarding my own heart.  Tyler has always said, "low expectations lead to few disappointments" which is so true but I feel like it's such a pessimistic way to look at life.  So I go back and forth on whether I should have higher expectations or "hope" that things will go alright. 

7th week in the hospital 31 weeks (Lincoln was born 5 days later)

My expectations for how I give birth to the baby have gone out the window and I'm ok if I have to have another c-section.  Things like that.  If I have another preemie who can't breastfeed then that's just the way it's going to have to be and I'm ok with that.  Because I just can't have all these expectations like I did with Lincoln and then be so disappointed when they aren't met (ex. c-normal birth and breastfeeding).  Those were two big expectations for me. 

But this time I'm taking everything in stride.  One day at a time.  My only expectations this time around are a healthy baby and healthy mommy.  Everything else is so trivial it seems.  There are people who will make you feel like dirt if you don't breastfeed your baby (but what they don't know is what your baby has gone through and how hard you've tried) and there are people who will make you feel like less of a mother because you had a c-section (which happened to save both mine and Lincoln's life).  I say, from experience, that the ONLY things that matter when it comes down to it is that mom and baby are both alive and healthy.  period.  So this time around, those are my only expectations.  

Lincoln at 16 weeks

Did you know....?

...May is Preeclampsia Awareness Month.  Did you know that?  Unless you've experienced it yourself and are informed about it, probably not. Many of you might not even know exactly what it is.  I had heard of it before my pregnancy but paid little to no attention to it even after I found out I was pregnant.  I knew that it happened in SOME pregnancies but had no idea just how often it occurs or how potentially harmful and life-threatening it is to both mom and baby.

Here are some more facts found from the Preeclampsia Foundation website:

Regarding United States statistics:

*5-8% of all pregnancies in the United States are affected by preeclampsia - this can be as many as 300,000 women and babies in the United States each year

Regarding World-Wide/Global statistics:

*What was once termed a “rare” disease is responsible for 76,000 maternal and 500,000 infant deaths world-wide each year

 *Globally, 10,000,000 women and their babies develop preeclampsia each year

 I'm adding their button to my sidebar for the month of may (and probably longer!) so if you feel like you want to learn more, donate or find one of the "walks" just click on the button below or look for it on the side of the blog.  

{click it to learn more}

Also:  *92% of PW donations go directly to programmatic funding, which includes providing patient support and education, raising public awareness, catalyzing research and improving health care practices.


If you are pregnant and wanting to know the signs and symptoms of preeclampsia so you can be informed and aware of what to look for, it can lead to more timely diagnosis and diligent health care.

"No mom should have to share her story of survival or tragedy during such a special time in life."  I agree and if you want to read stories of other women who have walked this road, click HERE to read.


I am one of the lucky ones.  I am here to raise my son, tell my story and my son is healthy and a very energetic little 22 month old.  I am blessed :)

If you are new here and want to read about my road of preeclampsia, hellp syndrome and P.R.O.M. find the "Our Story" button at the top of the blog and there is a quick recap of it all with links to more detailed posts about what all happened during my pregnancy with my sweet little boy.  

a birth story.....20 months later

Every now and again, I'll stumble onto a blog post of a birth story.  I love reading them because they are all so different and unique to each person.  After reading one a couple weeks ago I thought about my birth story.  I realized I had never really written down the actual birth story of Lincoln.  I know there were posts to keep everyone updated on he and I's status during that rough time but nothing close to a "birth story."  I thought about it for a few days wondering if I should even attempt to write anything.  Mainly because it's not really something I care to remember a whole lot about and to be blatantly honest, I was disappointed.  I hate to say that because how can I complain and be disappointed about something that led to two miracles?  But I was. 

Well as almost all of you know, my water broke extremely early, at 24 weeks pregnant.  Thankfully I did not go in to labor and was put on strict bedrest in the hospital until I delivered.  Lots of tears, fear, and anxiety later it was 52 days after the fact and I was still in my hospital room on what had become a new "normal Sunday."  My sister Hope was with us for the summer so she was there, Tyler and the Neills had come over to keep me company and play games for the evening.  We had lots of fun and I was actually feeling pretty good that day. My blood pressure had been tipping the scales lately and so it was being closely monitored.  I could usually tell when my blood pressure was higher if I was feeling different and that night I just KNEW when they came in to take it that it was going to be closer to normal, because I felt really good!  Man, talk about not being able to read my body well.  It was my highest reading yet 180/119 (just for a benchmark, normal is around 120/80).  My nurse had me lay on my left side and took it again, no change.  She tried to hide the fact that she was seriously concerned and left the room to call my Dr.

31 weeks 

(this is as far as I could go, the door to my room. If I left the room it had to be in a wheel chair)

Wow my skin was so pasty white!  You can tell I hadn't seen the sun in 7 weeks!

At this point, I was 31 weeks 4 days pregnant and since I hadn't been having contractions and Lincoln was doing as good as they could tell inside me, I wasn't even thinking about his coming anytime soon.  It was around 8 or 9 that evening when my Dr. came into my room and announced that she knew when Lincoln's birth date was going to be.  Still a little confused, I asked "when?"  She said today.

I wish I could've seen myself in the mirror after she answered the question because I probably looked so surprised.  I kind of thought she was kidding around with me (remember I felt SO good!).  The first thing I told her was, I wasn't ready.  I didn't have any time to prepare myself mentally.  Ummm....hello Marie you just had 52 days in the hospital to mentally prepare yourself for this.  Kind of a "duh moment."  But this was for real. 

She said a few other things about what was going to happen next, I don't really remember, left and right after that the new nurse on night shift came in to start prepping me for the c-section.  I couldn't believe it that my nurse for the c-section was going to be a friend of ours from church.  She was on call that night and called in specially for the emergency c-section.  I remember her asking if this was going to be too weird for me since I knew her but I was strangely ok with it and actually it made me feel more at ease instead of weird.

We called our parents in Nebraska and a few close friends to tell them the change of plans.  Pretty sure my mom was in the car ready to head our way within 5 minutes!

Being as this was my first pregnancy, I had no idea what to expect with a c-section, let alone an emergency c-section with high blood pressure!  I had just eaten only a couple hours ago and so they wanted to wait as long as possible before starting the c-section for that reason.  They wheeled me to labor and delivery, I put on my lovely gown, got all the heart monitoring straps put on, an IV started and was told I was being put on Magnesium Sulfate.  I am so glad that I had no idea what Mag does to you because boy was I in for a long couple days!  The Mag was to help lower my blood pressure but it's side effects are absolutely horrible.  They told me it was probably going to make me sick, but I was about to meet my son, who cares if I get a little sick, right?! 

So here we were sitting and waiting.  I was so nervous.  I just kept telling myself, "so many women have c-sections and they are fine."  I had come to the realization that my ideal birth of having him naturally wasn't going to happen way back at 24 weeks when we learned Lincoln was breech.  I remember sitting there trying to soak in the last few minutes of being pregnant.  I loved being pregnant, even though my body apparently sucks at being pregnant. 

Well we weren't waiting there for very long as my Dr.'s had decided that it was too dangerous to wait any longer for my food to digest.  When blood pressure gets as high as mine was, they start to worry about it causing a stroke. (so glad they didn't tell me that)  I remember the spinal wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.  It's such a strange feeling not being able to move your body.  They brought Tyler in and they started right away.  It wasn't long before Lincoln was born.  I was told not to expect to hear him cry because they feared his lungs were going to be too underdeveloped.  I heard him cry.  I  heard.....him....CRY!  They quickly showed me a quick peek of him before he was put directly into the incubator and whisked off to NICU.  He weighed in at a whopping 3lbs 6.8oz and was 15 3/4 in. long.

Lincoln, right after he was born and before he was hooked up to all his monitors and IV's

So now after a baby is born via c-section, what do they do?  They put you back together.  Well, all of a sudden, I felt like I was going to throw up and I told the anesthesiologist.  (He gave my doctor the look of, "I told you we should've waited until her food was digested), grabbed me a bowl and held my head while I threw up.  Weird thing was, I kept throwing up.  And throwing up, and throwing up.  I later learned that it was a relfex I apparently have to them trying to sew me back up.  Fun huh?  So they would start and then have to wait while I threw up and then have to start all over again.  Finally they saw that it wasn't going to stop so they had to just keep going while I kept, at this point, dry heaving.  (Sorry if you have a weak stomach, you probably shouldn't read any farther).  They finally got me put back together and got me to recovery.

I was told I would be in recovery for a couple hours and then on the way back to my room they would wheel me through the NICU to see Lincoln.  I'm still trying to process what just happened during the surgery and the fact that I'm now a mom, when I have this incredible pain right below my rib cage but above my stomach.  I mean excruciating pain.  I kept asking the nurses what was going on and they had no idea.  It felt like they were just writing it off.  I just remember not being able to get comfortable and not being able to move because I was still numb.  After this I can't really remember a whole lot.  (we found out later it was my liver that was hurting so much.  I had hellp syndrome and my liver enzymes were out of control, making my liver triple in size.)

In recovery, this was right before the liver pain started

Eventually they decided I could leave the recovery room, I remember waking up in the labor and delivery room and really believing that I was still pregnant and still in my original hospital room.  I didn't believe anyone when they told me Lincoln was already born, and then I threw up and fell back to sleep.  It was the mag that was making me hallucinate and throw up so much.  I remember the nurses bringing Lincoln out of the NICU to see me and for me to hold him for the first time (this is unheard of, for babies in the NICU but Lincoln was doing THAT well!)  I remember how much effort it took to sit up and hold him.  I remember having to hand him off to Tyler after only a couple minutes because I had to throw up again.  I remember feeling no connection to him.  I hate typing that because that just breaks my heart but I was on so many drugs to keep me alive, that I was in no way, shape or form in my right mind at that point. 

Me holding my precious Lincoln for the first time....I threw up right after this picture.

After that, I was throwing up so much that I wouldn't let someone take my bucket from me without giving me another one.  I remember throwing up on myself and not being able to move or do anything about it.  My nurses were amazing and changed my bedding and gown without getting me out of bed.

I got updates daily about my platelet levels, kidney levels and liver enzyme levels.  My blood pressure was being constantly monitored (which every time the cuff tighten I swore my hand was going to explode from all the swelling) They took 3+ vials of blood every 4 hours for 4 days to keep track of my numbers.  My arms were so bruised and swollen, it was hard getting harder and harder for them to find new places to poke me.

It got a lot worse than this but, you get the idea

Lincoln was born Monday morning at 12:56am and I didn't get out of bed until the following Friday.  A sweet nurse came and washed my hair for me one of the days (not sure which).  Slowly my numbers were turning the corner.  My first time to go see Lincoln in the NICU, the nurse went too fast pushing me in the wheelchair and I yelled at her to stop because I was going to get sick.  It was like my body had to relearn how to adjust to movement again. 

My first time to the NICU (2 1/2 days after Lincoln was born)

 First time to the NICU

All the while I desperately wanted to pump so my son had the best nutrition offered to him.  I got hardly anything.  I kept trying and kept trying, it took over 2 weeks for my milk to come in.  Slowly I regained strength.  All my muscle was gone.  I literally had to relearn how to walk.  I got good at walking behind my wheelchair down to the NICU to see Lincoln.  It was just down the hall and it took every ounce of energy I had.

I was released from the hospital a week after Lincoln was born.  I had to leave the hospital without my baby.  If our situation had been different, I would say how hard it would be to leave the hospital without your baby but I was prepared.  I knew since day 1 after my water broke that he would require a NICU stay so I had been able to mentally prepare myself for that.  Yes it was still sad but I was in no shape to be taking care of a newborn baby anyway so it was a blessing in disguise I guess.

The next 6 weeks my life revolved around getting my strength back and whenever my body was physically capable, being at the hospital with my baby.  Now, don't go thinking, "well at least you were able to get some good sleep and be well rested before Lincoln came home," nope.  I was up every 2-3 hours to pump in the middle of the night and throughout my day.  It was like I had a newborn but no baby.  It was really hard but so worth it.

So that's Lincoln's birth story.  I had to come to the conclusion that it DOESN'T define me.  My c-section doesn't define me.  The fact that I wasn't able to breastfeed my baby doesn't define me.  This has been a hard conclusion to reach but I've reached it.  For so long I felt worthless and that I let my baby down.  I had so many articles and research thrown in my face about how c-sections are bad and if you don't breastfeed your baby you are a horrible mother etc.  It was hard but it doesn't define me.  My worth is found in Christ alone, not how I birthed or fed my baby. 

This story is just a part of the bigger story of our lives.  He and I went through a lot but I learned so much through it and I've seen numerous ways how God has used it in my life. I am thankful, everyday. 

If you want to read more, here are some links:

What is HELLP?

Preeclampsia

Dr. Mroz

I took Lincoln about a month or so ago to go and meet Dr. Mroz. She was my OB during the whole pregnancy but isn't our family Doctor so she had seen Lincoln right as he was born but that was the last time. So we went to see her and I got an awesome picture of Lincoln looking up at her like he's saying, "Thanks for taking care of me and mommy during mommy's long hospital stay!" "You Rock!" She was an amazing Dr. and I couldn't have asked for anyone better. She made me laugh on days that I wasn't doing so well in the hospital and would always tell me straight answers to my questions. I'm so thankful for her and the great care she gave me!

ER Visit That Could've Been Avoided

So last night was interesting to say the least. All day I was feeling chills and then would get hot again and chills. I thought it was just my body getting used to the different temperature changes as we went to different stores, the hospital, home, outside, etc. Well when we got home at 6:30 from seeing Lincoln in the NICU and as soon as I sat down, I threw up. My Dr. said to call her if my temp reached 100.8 degrees or higher so I took my temperature under my arm pit because I had just drank some 7-up and it was 97.1. So I didn't do anything about it. Then at about 8 I could just feel myself burning up so I took it again this time in my mouth (which I should always do from now on!) and it was 102.0! So I called my Dr. and she asked different questions to try and figure out what type of infection I had. Well we eventually got to the point where she thought it was probably a bladder infection. Now let me back up a little here, I've had a catheter put in twice while I was in the hospital once for a 24 hour sample and once when I had the c-section. After the first time, they made sure to do a lab on my urine after it was taken out to make sure it hadn't caused a bladder infection. The second time, they didn't do that. I had the catheter in for 5 days and so when it hurt to urinate I figured for awhile that it was just because the catheter was in for so long. Well I finally asked a Dr. (a resident to my Kidney Dr.) about it and he said nonchalantly "oh no, it's just from the catheter." He didn't write anything down in my chart and so my Dr. didn't even know I had asked about it. So when I called my Dr. last night and told her some of the symptoms she asked how long I'd had then and it had at least been from Friday. She was frustrated that the resident didn't look into it more or at least write it down. So we get to the ER (I had been to almost every place in the silly hospital except the ER, now I suppose I can check the ER off of my list). So lucky me, when we got to the ER they had to put in ANOTHER catheter to get a clean urine sample (it wasn't as bad because they didn't keep it in). They found it was a very big bladder infection and said from the blood work that my Liver was looking better but my kidney's were really dehydrated. They put in another IV and gave me lots and lots of fluids. They kept me there until the fever broke and my heart rate went back down to about 110bpm. (normal is between 60-100bpm) At it's highest it was 146bpm. The Dr. said that for every degree above 98.6 your heart rate increases 10 bpm. So they pumped me fulled of antibiotics and gave me prescriptions to fill today (yay, more drugs!) Oh on a side note when we came in and they learned how long I had been in the hospital and when they went to start the IV the nurse had a hard time finding a vein that wasn't already "injured." I had to laugh after they asked if I smoked, drank, or did drugs because I told Tyler I bet they didn't believe me when I said no I didn't do drugs because just take one look at my arms and it looks like I'm a drug addict! So they let us leave about 12:15am and hopefully I'll start feeling better soon. I was just sooooo sooooo frustrated, first because I had JUST left the hospital Monday night and was already having to go back and second because it could've completely been avoided had that Dr. taken my complaint seriously and looked into it a little more. I just accepted what he said because he was a Kidney Dr., he should know what he's talking about right? Well now I know to always get a second opinion!!!!!

Some Serious Stuff

I don't think anyone of us (especially me, I was on so many drugs) realized just how serious last week was and really could've been had God not done a miracle. This is what happened as best as I can remember it. My blood pressure was taken later Sunday evenong and it was 183/119. For those of you who don't know that's the point when they start worrying about seizures happening. And it defined me as having severe preeclampsia. So my Dr. came in and simply said it's time to have the baby, I was of course in complete shock b/c I felt completely normal. So since it's was considered an emergency c-section they couldn't wait for all my supper to digest and got me prepped for the surgery asap.  Because of the high blood presseure they loaded me up on magnesium sulfate (to keep from seizing) but it made me so so so so sick. Lincoln was born and they started putting me back together and I started throwing up. FYI: Not fun while your stomach is cut open! It took them alot longer to put me back together b/c they essentially had to start over each time I barfed. (I later learned that this was a reflex when they would put pressure on my uterus to stitch it back up, so eventually they just had to do it even though I was vomiting through it all).  Oh AND before the c-section I had told Tyler to follow Lincoln to the NICU after he was born to make sure he was ok, not thinking that I would be in worse condition than Lincoln!  So I had to endure that horrible experience without him by my side.

After they had finished they rolled me to the recovery room (which I should've only been in for two hours turned into 4 almost 5 hours. Little did anyone know that I was actually a lot sicker than anyone thought.  I had this incredible pain right under my rib cage and above my stomach.  I've never felt so much pain.  (I found out later that my liver enzymes were 300 times their normal levels and had basically doubled in size and if it had ruptured it would've been fatal).  They kept me on Magnesium Sulfate until Tuesday morning. A normal level of it is "1" and I was up to "13" by the time they took me off of it.  I was throwing up multiple times per hour because of it's effects.  The Magnesium Sulfate's function is to decrease the risk of seizures and progress to eclampsia. 

Monday is when the H.E.L.L.P. syndrome (Hemalytic anemia, Elevated Liver enzymes, Low Platelets) started and my liver enzymes went 300 times their normal levels, my platelet count came down from above 200,000 to 24,000 and at some point my kidney's stopped receiving blood and basically stopped functioning. They told me if my platelet levels would've reached below 20.000 they were going to give me a blood transfusion. Luckily it never dropped that low! They were really worried about my kidney's and almost put me on dialysis.  Luckily I turned the corner right before they had to start dialysis and never was put on it.  My kidney doctor was always very positive about my kidney's returning to their full function and always reassured me that each day my numbers were looking better and better. 

The chance of getting this H.E.L.L.P syndrome is about 1/1,000 and can be deadly. I think this actually set in for me yesterday (right after being dismissed from the hospital) when my mom went to get all my prescriptions filled and told the pharmacist what I had had and she asked if all my organs came back. I was just like "wow, this really could've been bad!" So slowly but surely everything did come back to normal but for the first three days they were drawing my blood and doing labs every 4 hours. That's why my arms looked like I was a drug addict. I was so out of it at first that I really don't remember what happened until late Wednesday evening. My family keeps saying things like, "well your nurse this day did this," and "you don't remember so and so visiting?" I remember seeing and holding Lincoln on Monday, hardly anything on Tuesday and then seeing Lincoln again on Wednesday. I remember being sick and throwing up all over the bed and all our family being there on Monday but this is really everything. I'm glad that they didn't let on to me how serious everything was but I really wish they would've told Tyler more information. He really didn't know what was going on with me until afterwards.

Lincoln's birth was completely God's perfect timing. I was able to keep in him there as long as I could and my Dr. told me that Sunday evening she really didn't have a "scientific" reason to take Lincoln, she just knew it was time. If we would've waited any longer, I still would've gotten the H.E.L.L.P syndrome and it possibly could've fatal for Lincoln and much worse for me than it already was. I just Praise Jesus for keeping us all safe during it all and most importantly for being alive! I'm so glad to be on this side of it now. Lincoln is doing wonderfully and I'm slowly recovering. The main kind of recovery for me now is gaining back my muscles. After 8 1/2 weeks on bedrest, my muscles have basically atrophied and I'm incredibly weak. I'm so glad my mom is here to help take care of me for a few days, I can't drive until next week so she's able to help that way and just getting things for me because I tire out so easily. The physical therapist said not to get frustrated because this will be a long term recovery. Little by little I'll get my strength back.

I think it was completely a God thing as well that I didn't get emotional throughout the entire thing (I'm am now as I look back and see what really happened) but if I would've been emotional throughout it all, I think I would've taken longer to get well. Lincoln was doing so well that I didn't have to worry about him 24/7 which was an amazing gift.

So that's really all I have right now, just wanted to fill everyone in on what really happened last week and to give God all the glory He deserves from it because He was the only one in Control the Entire Time!!!

A New Day!

Today is a landmark day is many ways. First of all it's Lincoln's 1 week birthday! Secondly it marks exactly 2 months that I've been here at St. Joe and thirdly it might be the day that I get to be discharged! I haven't blogged since before Lincoln was born, I had my sister update everyone last week after Lincoln was born so that everyone could kind of stay up on what was happening. It was completely a God thing with the timing of Lincoln's birth. They've now diagnosed me as to having severe preeclampsia which probably caused the H.E.L.L.P syndrome which probably caused loss of blood to my kidney's. All of which they think still would've happened last monday whether I had had Lincoln or not. So getting him out of me was perfect timing. I probably would've been even more sick if they would've waited even longer and it probably would've gotten to Lincoln as well and made him sick. It was perfect timing because we made it long enough that Lincoln was small but that's really the only problem he has. Miraculously enough he has no repiratory problems! That was the main concern before he was born because of the lack of amniotic fluid.

This has been quite the week, to say the least and I will blog more about that in the next few days. It truly is a miracle that I am here typing this today on my way to full recovery and I have a small but very healthy baby! I am just still in awe of everything that has happened and have not fully processed it all but that will come with time.

I'm just so excited to finally join the outside world again! Please continue to pray for Lincoln as he grows a little each day. Pray that he would continue to do so well and not have any future problems. Also pray for me that my strength would build back up. I've already noticed how tired I get just walking down the hall to the NICU. Pray I would know how hard to push myself and when to rest as well. This is still going to be a long journey but this more of the "fun" part of the journey. God is good all the time, all the time God is good!

Lincoln Tyler is born!

Marie is unable to update this (she is very weak) so I as the aunt am going to try to include as many details as I can. :)

Lincoln Tyler Rempel was born July 6th at 12:56am. Weighing in at 3 lbs. 6.8oz and 15 3/4 inches! He was 31 1/2 weeks along!

Sunday evening was a total shocker! Marie had had a very high blood pressure all day (which had been kind of typical) but it was abnormally high (189/118). So around 10pm Her, Tyler and I were all just sitting around in her room and Dr. Mroz came in all serious and said "well we have just decided your son's birth date" (if the blood pressure would have been any higher the baby would be at risk and wouldn't be getting as much blood. The doctor said she wanted the best circumstance for both a healthy mom and healthy baby.) Marie said "what sometime this next week?" "Nope, it's going to be tonight" Marie was shocked and didn't know what to do, given such little notice. So they started prepping her for her C-section then realized that Marie had eaten supper around 6:30pm and in order to get the full 8 hours without eating before surgery, they were going to wait until 2:30am to deliver. They started her on magnesium to help the blood pressure, which made her sick. But around 11:45pm they decided that her blood pressure was still really risky so they did an emergency c-section around 12:30am. I'm told that they c-section went as well as it could, but she got nauseous during (because she still had food in her system) and had to throw up while they were trying to sew her back up, causing gas bubbles in her system that she is still feeling in her stomach, chest, shoulder etc.

Lincoln cried right away after being delivered (they had told her to not expect any crying because of the circumstances). She was able to see Lincoln for about 20 seconds after they washed him up before taking him to the NICU.

Marie went into recovery which was supposed to be for about 2 hours, which ended up being 4-5 hours because she was having sharp pains in her chest and back (caused from the manipulation of her organs during surgery when she got sick).

Because Marie was on the magnesium still (which still was making her sick) she wasn't able to move to postpartum and since Lincoln was doing so well, they were able to bring Lincoln to Marie in her room around 10am! This is unheard of when a baby is in NICU! She was able to hold him for a short while until she started getting sick again.

Lincoln is doing fantastic! They had to put him on oxygen for a very little time right after birth. He is now without any oxygen, he has a feeding tube through his nose but has been able to suck 3 bottles so far! The sucking motion isn't usually learned until 33-34 weeks along and he is only 31! The nurses are calling him a wild man because he is so active and fights the nurses when they are tending to him. The doctors and nurses are all so amazed at how well he is doing, they say Lincoln thinks that he is 34 weeks along instead of 31! Marie has been able to see Lincoln 3 times now, he was able to come to her room all of these.

Marie is still in her labor and delivery room, being watched closely. All day on Monday she was sick and drowsy from the magnesium (they had to do a round of over 24 hours of the magnesium, which helps keep the blood pressure down, reducing the cause of seizures) then another of the meds she got made her really loopy. Family was all here all day on Monday and we just sat with her while she would get sick and then fall right asleep, which happened continuously all day. Monday evening is when she started getting loopy from the medicine and it was kind of interesting the things she would say and such. (Tyler and I were entertained) I think she was replaying Sunday in her head and she didn't even realize she had had Lincoln already. She thought she still had to go into surgery and her nurse D.D. was going to be with her etc. We have lots of stories to tell if anyone asks :) Anyways, so she would be talking then one second later be fast asleep.

Today they took her off of her magnesium (which has been really good for her) her blood pressure is looking a little better but is still a little on the high side. Her platelet count is high which is good, liver and enzyme level is lowering, which is good and they were worried about her kidneys but they ran some tests and they are both back to normal. She is REALLY weak and tired right now. It was hard for her to suck out of a straw and to chew earlier today. She cannot stand or walk on her own from weakness. They have been taking her blood every 4 hours to check the platelets and they started out at 24,000, then 29,000, back to 24,000 and then tonight it rose to 31,000, which hopefully means she is on the downside of the hill and is getting better. The doctor said that if it got down to 20,000, she would need a blood transfusion, so any rising is good!

So that pretty much sums of the past 48 hours or so in a nut shell. Please keep praying for both Marie and Lincoln as they get through these next couple of days.

Avoiding Lab Work and Angry Ex-Smokers

So I just successfully avoided getting my blood drawn again and have to give another urine sample! My blood pressure was high again a few hours ago and so as soon as the resident saw that she ordered more lab work done! When my nurse came in I told her that I didn't have any other symptoms of pregnancy induced hypertension and asked if she could page my Dr. and ask if this lab was necessary. She came back and said the order was canceled! It's just so funny to me that this keeps happening (only funny because I can avoid it).

Today was so nice, I finally got the chance to sit outside in my wheelchair again! Perfect weather for me! I hadn't done that in probably at least 2 weeks because it's been SOOO hot! The excitement of my day was while I was sitting outside and this older man with an oxygen tank came out and started cussing out this other guy, who was quite a ways down the sidewalk, smoking a cigarette. He kept yelling at him to put out his cigarette because it's illegal to smoke on the premesis (he was right) but man he was calling that guy all sorts of names and said that he has smoked for over 50 years and now wishes he wouldn't have. As much as I HATE smoking and this it's rude when people stand right outside of a building and I have to walk right through all their second hand smoke to get out of the building, this was not the way to ask someone to put out their cigarette. I had to keep myself from laughing because the older man was just so outraged and just yelling explitives all over the place! Eventually the other guy put out his cigarette because the older man went in to get security. What was nice though was that the guy who was smoking came up to me afterwards and apologized for smoking since he could tell I was clearly pregnant. He said he had seen me and tried to smoke as far away from me as he could. So anyways, that's about it for the excitement around here.

Please keep praying for baby Lily, they had a rough night last night but she pulled through and is down to 32% oxygen today. J is doing okay but I know this has got to be so hard.

31 Weeks!

31 Weeks!!

Yay! We've made it to 31 weeks and 2 days so far! Dr. Mroz said that yesterday Lincoln made a milestone. I didn't know what she was talking about and she went on to explain that the daily Nonstress Test that they do on his heart rate passed by making jumps of 15 bpm instead of the normal 10bpm that they expect for a baby of his gestational age. It's not until 32 weeks that they expect him to daily have spikes of 15bpm. This is another good sign that he is doing really well in there! Praise Jesus! We have another sonogram and biophysical profile Monday morning and they will take some more measurements to make sure he is still growing normally.

I'm starting to get kind of frustrated with the fact that since I have so many different doctors (between the residents, laborists and OB's) that I have a different one almost everyday. That wouldn't be bad except for the fact that I've been having high blood pressure and and soon as they see that on my chart they don't bother to flip back at my history and see that I've already had all the tests done and they have all come back fine. They just automatically order bloodwork and urine samples to be done. So then the people come to take my blood and I have no idea what is going on! I talked to Dr. Mroz this morning and she said that if that happens again to tell them to wait and have them page her to make sure it's something that I NEED to have done! I'm so thankful to have an OB like her! She's so willing to go out of her way to see that I'm taken care of.

Tonight we're going to celebrate the 4th by hanging out with some friends here in my room and watching the fireworks display downtown. I actually have one of the best views to see it (I've been told by numerous dr.'s and nurses). It won't quite be what we normally would do for the 4th of July but it will suffice for this year :) Still so thankful that I'M here and Lincoln isn't born yet rather than him being born and in the NICU.

Baby Lily

My friend J went into labor last night and ended up having an emergency c-section early this morning. Lily was born at 26 weeks, 1 lb 8oz. So, so, so tiny! Please pray for her and her new parents! Pray for strength for her as her little body works so hard to breathe. Also pray for J and her husband as this is going to be a long road in the NICU for all of them. I'm going to go visit tomorrow sometime.

Praying for a new friend

Just a quick update....things are going well for Lincoln and I, still have high blood pressure, still no cause for it though. I had a new high the other night 169/110. And my pulse was in the 40s! My body is just going nuts! haha.

If you think of it please pray for J and her baby. She is the one with a similar situation to myself but is only 25 weeks along. She was moved Wednesday night from postpartum side to labor and delivery because they wanted to monitor her all the time and thought they might have to induce her because the baby wasn't doing well. After monitoring throughout the night they decided things seemed stable and she moved back to her old room on this side. She just called me and said that during monitoring this morning her baby's heartrate dropped significantly, two times during the 20 minute duration. So they are moving her back to the labor and delivery side. Please pray for her and her baby. Pray the baby's heart rate stays stable and they don't have to decide whether or not to induce her. I feel for her and pray that she can keep her little baby inside for as long as possible.

Results.....

Well the results from my bloodwork that was sent to Mayo came back completely normal. My thyroid is just acting a little slow right now but it's not a problem that they are worried about, right now at least. Also the results from that wonderful 24 urine sample came back normal as well. They found just a few traces of protein but again nothing that they are worried about. So right now theonly reason we have for my high blood pressure is possibly because my pulse is really low (usually in the 40s or 50s when the normal is between 60-100). So my doctor thinks my body might just be compensating for the low pulse by making my blood pressure higher. We only need to make it 3 more weeks so please pray that nothing comes from my high blood pressure and that my last three weeks aren't extremely miserable. Yes you heard me right, only 3 weeks left! My doctor said when we get to week 33 we'll start talking about a date for the c-section.

That's all for now!

a sigh of relief.....

Disclaimer: This post might be a little more information than some people might care to know so I'm just going to let you know you can stop reading now if you can't handle certain details.

It's 9:42am Wednesday morning and I've been up out of bed and moving around more than I have in the past 24 hours. Yesterday morning the OB specialist order a 24 urine speciman for me to test for proteins and signs of preeclampsia. Well that wouldn't be a big deal except for the fact that my water is broken and I continue to leak all the time. So just putting a bucket in the toilet wouldn't work because the amniotic fluid would taint the urine since it has protein in it. They wouldn't be able to get a good sample and the test would be pointless. So....lucky me, I got to have a catheter (sp?) put in at 9am yesterday and had to keep it in for 24 hours. I've decided, rather quickly, that is so good that they usually put those in after you've been put under for surgery or for a c-section after you've gotten your spinal block. I can't tell you how miserable I was all morning yesterday! I think my nurse finally saw the side of me that can't handle much pain! Thankfully my mom was here all morning and was a great encouragement even though I was very crabby and irritable. I think it was one of the longest stretches of 24 hours (besides the first few days I was here) I've had in a long time! The pain/burning eventually went away and then the rest of the day it was just uncomfortable. Since I didn't need to get up to use the restroom all day, I got up once last night to get ready for bed and that was it! I'm such a baby.

What frustrates me about this is I am almost positive that they aren't going to find any proteins or anything wrong with me. They also took some more blood this morning, I'm starting to get used to getting poked so much! Dr. Mroz ordered some tests to be run on my blood on Monday to see if my high blood pressure could be caused by my thyroid. We won't know the results until at least tomorrow since my blood apparently was shipped off to Mayo Clinic. Part of me hopes it's being caused by my thyroid because that seems like a more simple "fix." But we'll see what happens.

Today marks 7 weeks being here! Wow! Only about 3 weeks left! I've never thought that 3 weeks seemed like such a short time! It seems to easy compared to the 7 weeks I've already done! Tomorrow I will be 31 weeks pregnant! Yippee! We're slowly but surely getting to 34 weeks!

30 Weeks and a Baby Shower

30 Weeks!


The amazing girls who put together our shower!!!
Orrin is the cutest! He knew exactly what to do with the camera!



Love of my life!
The best cake ever!


This week marked 30 weeks for us! I felt like it was a huge milestone to get out of the twenties! Since I'm posting this late in the week, we now only have 3 1/2 weeks left! It's all down hill from here! The exact day that we're shooting to get to is July 23rd. There is no C-Section scheduled yet but it'll probably be around the 23rd. Lincoln is still breech so we're planning on a C-Section.

Yesterday (Sunday) some of the girls I am in Bible Study with, put together a baby shower for us. The hospital let us use the Conference Room so everybody didn't have to pack into my room! haha, that would've been quite interesting! I've been looking forward to this so much and had SO much fun! It was great to actually do something "normal" and not feel like I'm a prisoner at the hospital for a couple hours. I got to wear actual maternity clothes and didn't have to stay in my wheelchair! Whoohoo! We were so blessed by everyone who came. We were showered with so many neat gifts and are so thankful for everything! Now I can't wait to be able to use everything once Lincoln is born!

I was so tired after only 2 hours and slept soundly last night! I also just woke up from a wonderful nap this afternoon. Boy am I going to be in for the shock of my life once Lincoln's born and I'm going to have to get back to my normal life. Now don't get me wrong, I'm SO ready to get out of here and be back at home but my body is going to be so out of shape it's going to be ridiculous! Even walking the halls is going to leave me huffing and puffing since I haven't walked more than the length of my room in almost 7 weeks!

God's Obviously Trying to Teach Me Something

Today during my quiet time I was reading through the flipbook that my mom had made for each of us kids a year or so ago and one entry really stood out to me.

-Nothing will ever happen to you that God does not already know about.
Psalm 139: 1-4 "O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.

-Nothing will ever happen to you that is a mistake.
Psalm 139: 4, 16 "Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord....All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

-Nothing will ever happen that you cannot handle by God's power and grace.
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 "Be he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

-Nothing will ever happen to you that will not eventually be used by God for some good purpose in your life.
Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

-Nothing will ever happen to you without God's presence.
Matthew 28:20 "...And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

God produces fruit by putting us in opposite situations
ex. Love - people who are hard to love
Peace - Middle of a storm

Similar Situations

Yesterday was another typical day for me. Nothing out of the ordinary, just the nurses taking my vitals every so often and running a non stress test on Lincoln's heart rate. I watched a couple episodes of Alias and finished the 4th Twilight book. Then one of my nurses came in and said that there was another woman here with a similar situation to mine. She was just admitted two days ago and had heard about me and wanted to talk with me! I was really excited to meet someone else who is going through the same thing. I went and met her and as we were talking I learned just how hard her situation has been. She started bleeding early on in her pregnancy and her water actually broke at 16 weeks. She has been on bed rest at home for 8 weeks now and once she got to 24 weeks they admitted her to the hospital. Now she's starting back where I first started but has already been through SO much! All things considered she seemed to be in good spirits. So if you think of it, you can be praying for her situation. I'm sure we'll get together pretty often since neither of us have anything better to do! I don't want to look back on this whole experience and wish I had done more with it, I want to use it to the full capacity that God wants me to. I pray that my eyes would be open to opportunities to share him with the staff that I've gotten to know so well! :)

One example I want to share about how just living your life can be such a huge witness to others. My doctor has often walked in to see me (she comes everyday to check in on me) when there have been a lot of people here. It's very rare that she'll come and there isn't a party going on! haha. The other morning she came and was commenting on how well I've been doing and was so impressed by the support I've had from so many people. She asked how I knew these friends, if they were from college, etc. I told her that we knew most of our friends from church and bible studies. She was so impressed by the community that we have and I just want to say again that I'm am SOOO thankful for such an awesome community! We have been so blessed to have so many caring friends and family to support us during this time. I honestly don't know if I would've made it this far without so many people encouraging me and helping us along the way!