oh potty training....

 { warning this post is about potty training (hence the title) so read at your own risk :) lots of talk about poop and pee.  }

potty training.  those were two words I cringed at and still kinda do.  i think every mom cringes when they think of trying to begin this daunting task.  i think i can finally say we are done with the potty training.  that's not to say we aren't without our accidents but he is doing extremely well (2 months later).  after waiting and waiting for him to be "ready" and I mean waiting for what seemed like forever, especially when you get looks from other people that say "you mean he's not potty trained yet?!  how old is he?!"  oh it gets old.  those judgmental statements from moms who have a child that potty trained at 18 months.  and i know a lot of people give you advice because they think it's helpful but really what worked for your child probably isn't going to work for my child.  yes the ideas and support are so helpful but what i learned is that i just had to figure out for myself what was going to work for my child.  all those 3 day methods are great and all and kudos if they worked for your child.  i tried it.  it didn't work.  please don't insinuate that it works for every single child and if it doesn't then i must be doing something wrong or there's something wrong with my child.

because believe me.  before we ever started almost a year ago, i was doing tons of research on how to approach this whole thing and figured the 3 day method was our best bet (for me at least, who really wants to drag this whole thing out longer than 3 days anyway?!) :)  i tried it but oh man, i thought he was ready but he wasn't and we only lasted a day and a half.  so we waited.  everyone kept saying, when he's ready he'll do it.  well my child proved to be the exception to the rule.  i kept looking for signs and nothing.  so 6 months later at 3 1/2 i figured out this whole thing had everything to do with his strong will and laziness and nothing to do with the fact that i wasn't seeing any signs of readiness.  so once i figured that out i finally knew what i had to do.  i did the one thing that every book will tell you not to do.  i forced him to do it.  it wasn't child-led.  none of that nonsense.  :)  i decided it was time and we tried it and he fought it.  boy did he fight it.  he was begging for his diaper back.  so that's when i threw in the towel and did things my own way.  i said well ok then i'll go along with that.  i told him he could have his diapers back but it came with a cost.  if he was going to wear a diaper, than he was going to be treated like a baby.  drink from a bottle, eat baby food, only get to play with baby rattles and no tv.  and guess what.....he liked it.  yep my plan was backfiring on me.  he was having a blast playing "baby" and Tyler was so mad.   I kept saying, "just wait, this will work.  this will work.  this will work. man this better work!"  and eventually it did.  he finally realized it's not much fun playing with baby toys and not getting to watch an tv..  so he came to me and told me he was ready to be a big boy.  and that's how we finally started.

that was back in January and as of a couple days ago I can finally say he is completely potty AND poop trained.  FINALLY.  it probably could've been sooner but i was too scared of accidents so i let him wear pull ups for longer than i probably should have but oh well.  it's done.  and i'm so proud of him.  and he's so proud of himself.

all this to say, i have learned once and for all that potty training is not a "one method fits all" thing.  it's a learning curve that each parent/child combo has to learn and figure out for themselves.  i'm sure caedmon will be completely different from lincoln and i'll be learning from the get go with him as well.  i can't expect the way lincoln potty trained to be the way caedmon will.  every child is different.  :)

so for all of you parents out there who are currently potty training or are getting ready to potty train I'm praying for ya!  those are some tough, tough days/weeks/months and now i really know how hard it can be and i truly sympathize with you.  just take a deep breathe, prepare for lots of accidents and have starbucks delivered (oh wait they don't do that!) :-/

and since I'm just so proud of how far he's come, we traveled 12 total hours in the car this weekend to a wedding and he did it in underwear with zero, ZERO accidents!  i thought this day would never come.....and it did.  so there is hope for every parent out there! lol

something so big...

It's no secret that our hearts have been/are for adoption.  God has clearly called us to adoption as our part of caring for orphans.  To give at least one child a loving home and family.  We said "yes" to adopting Baby J two years ago and unfortunately God's plan wasn't for him to be apart of our family.  We were open to it then and we still are now.  This time we are going in a little different direction and pursuing an international adoption.  There are so many factors when considering which country (international or domestic) and then going through each countries requirements list. There were so many that we didn't qualify for. Apparently in the adoption sphere we are "young."  A lot of countries want both of us to be 30 as one of their requirements.  There was one night particularly where I just shut my computer and the tears started flowing.  I was so discouraged because there was always SOMETHING about a country's requirements that we didn't fit.  Why do they make it so difficult to adopt?  God here we are......willing to adopt a little one and you are shutting every. single. door.  Why????  I was so frustrated.

But then I realized that God wasn't going to shut the door to every.single.country.  He was shutting doors to lead us to our child.  We are still prayerfully considering a couple countries that we qualify for and are praying for direction on the right decision.  Would you join in praying with us?  Praying for our child out there?  I have no idea where he/she may be, what she is doing right now, if he is even born yet.  But please pray for us as we find our way to him/her.

So this is where we are right now.  Still in the deciding process of choosing an agency and country.  and beginning to raise money.  Adoption is expensive, to put it plainly :)  We are looking at having to come up with $25,000-$30,000.  Gulp.  Yep that is a huge number.  HUGE.  It's a big obstacle but I can't wait to see how God provides.  I could get all worked up and worried about this daunting task but I know that God's heart is for the orphan.  So like my friend Julie said in one of her blog posts during their adoption, "You should be involved in something so big that if God doesn't show up, you're toast."  They had heard a missionary say that when speaking at their church and she pointed out how that is just how adoption is.  We are now apart of something so big that if God doesn't show up, we're toast.  Our adoption is toast.  This adoption is so much bigger than us.  We have absolutely no control over a lot of it, but He does.  This amount of money that we need is so big that if God doesn't show up then it's toast.  

So how are we going to come up with that amount of money?
We have cut out a lot of "extras" in our budget.  Things like cable that were just "nice" to have, now that money is going straight to our adoption fund.  Every little bit counts, but at that rate, it'll take like 20 years to save that much money so I've also just recently become an Independent Designer with Origami Owl.    If you haven't heard of it, it's a new company (only 2 years old) where you design a necklace to tell your unique story.  Like these lockets below....

I love what this company stands for and am so excited to join them.  Every penny I make selling Origami Owl is going right into our adoption fund.  So how can you help?  Check out this awesome jewelry at my website: HERE.  Buy pretty things and help us bring our next child home!  You can order directly from there or if you want to host a party that would be super helpful as well.  That's not just limited to those who live close to us, if you want to host a party and live far away I'm more than happy to do a catalog party! And remember Mother's Day is just around the corner, and these lockets are perfect gifts for the mom's in our lives!  If you are interested in hosting a party email me at thelincbetweenus @ gmail . com.  

Also I added a "Donate" button to my sidebar.  If you feel led to help us reach our goal to bring home our son/daughter just click on it.  No amount is insignificant.  

We have no idea how long this road to our child will be (expecting a long one, since that tends to be the trend in adoption) but we are so excited to start it!  My heart already aches to hold him/her.  

tiring, overwhelming, daunting, exhausting, scary...

just a few of the ways I'm feeling right now about parenting as a whole.

some of them describe the current days of endless correction and discipline.

and the rest are how I feel about thinking of the end goal we have with raising our boys.

and the fact that what we want and pray they become is only partly in our hands.

we will do the best that we can to provide an environment full of love, truth and grace

and then hope what we've done sinks in.

right now we are in the middle of a parenting study with our small group on sunday evenings.  it's chip ingram's "effective parenting in a defective world."  and it's good.  so good.  it's not the first one we've done, but now that Lincoln's old enough for us to apply some of the things we're learning, it's different this time around for us.

Tyler and I have learned so much and I wanted to share some of the things that have really stood out to me. {that may mean this spills into a couple posts} :)

The main thing so far is that we as parents need to recognize that our child's primary responsibility is to learn obedience.
Ephesians 6:1-3
Children, it is your duty to obey your parents, for this is the right thing to do.  Respect your father and mother is the first commandment that has a promise added: so that all may go well with you and you may live a long time in the land.

Obedience is defined as teaching your child to come under the hearing of your voice.

The end goal of obedience to mom and dad, is for our children to learn to submit to the voice of God.
They learn to obey us (who they can see) so that they can learn to obey God (who they can't physically see).

No pressure huh?
So that they shift their dependence (eventually) from us to God.  We aren't teaching independence in a sense, just redirecting their dependence.
I can remember in my own growing up when that switch started to happen.  It was the whole situation when my dad was forced out of farming, we had to move and switch schools.  To my 15 year old self (who had unfortunate pressure from teachers and coaches at the time) it was earth shattering.  I know, I know, this was pud compared to what a lot of 15 year olds have had to endure in their already short lifetime but to me (in my very sheltered life so far) it was as if the earth was crumbling beneath me.  It didn't take long for me to realize that a lot of things in the world, my parents couldn't control.  Like this situation, it was out of their control and for me to see that as their child, really played a significant role in my relationship with Christ.  Until then I had a very surface level faith.  I grew up learning all about God, asked him into my heart at a young age and followed the rules because my parents taught me well.  We went to church every Sunday and I was a "good" little Christian girl :)  But I had never made my faith, my own.  It took these circumstances to really shift my dependence on my parents to dependence on God.  He got me/us through that terrible (to me) situation.

Wow, that was quite the tangent.  So back to teaching obedience... :)

But the main point that I've had to focus on as we figure out this whole parenting thing is that obedience is a process.  Ugh, seriously?!  I can't just snap my fingers and he automatically obeys right away, all the way and with a happy heart?!?!  Unfortunately, with a strong willed child it'll be a looooooooooong process.  And boy do we have a strong willed child.  Maybe it's a first born thing.  I don't know but I know I can be little stubborn at times....

There are good days and there are bad days.....like a couple days ago when I had to drag my kicking and screaming child out of the library because he was not obeying when I said it was time to go.  Oh my goodness I don't think he's ever thrown that bad of a tantrum before.  My blood was boiling to say the least.  We had a 30 minute ride home and over and over again we talked about why he is to obey the first time, that God wants him to obey his mommy, the consequences that will happen when he throws fits.  Over and over and over and over and over again.

A child's responsibility ties right in with their needs.  They NEED significance (love) and security (boundaries).  Children CRAVE boundaries.  They need them.  So we give them.

And as hard as some days are, they are all part of this whole thing called parenthood.  This wonderful, beautiful time of our lives :).

my most important job as a mother

we all want the best for our kids. what parent doesn't?
we want to provide the best so they can be their best.
to get them into the best schools, programs, sports camps, etc.
to help them learn to the best of their ability.
so that they succeed in school, become the smartest in their class,
or the best quarterback in school history, or get into the highest ranked college,
score outstanding on their ACT's and SAT's, get a degree and a job that'll make them lots of money,
so that they can provide well for their families and be a productive member of society.
nothing wrong with that, right?
of course there's nothing wrong with that but what I've come to realize is...
those aren't the things that matter the most.

Tyler and I's first priority as parents is to teach our boys about Jesus. 

that's our most important job.

it's our job to tell them all about Jesus and how He died on the cross to save them.

it's our job to model how to live your life for Christ.

it's our job to teach them how to show Jesus's love to others.

and then to pray over our kids, that they will choose for themselves to follow God.

those are first and foremost.

all that other stuff?

that comes second.

our second priority as their parents is to then teach them 

how to use the gifts and talents God has given them

to do what He has purposed them to do.

then it's our job to show them how to glorify God

in all those activities.

1 Corinthians 10:31

³¹ So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
{emphasis mine}

we have each been given unique gifts
and we are to use them to the best of our ability.
i can't wait to watch lincoln and caedmon's individual gifts
shine through as they grow up.
but if those abilities aren't used to glorify God
then they are useless.
useless accomplishments for the here and now
with no purpose.

the greatest accomplishment?

to hear the words, "well done, my good and faithful servant."
 - God.

so I pray that with each new day, 
I am refocused on our #1 priority.
that I keep an eternal perspective
on how we raise our boys.
I will be the proudest mom on earth if my sons grow up having Jesus in their heart, being bold men of God, who love their wives/families well (if they marry) and tell others about this amazing gift of Grace.

a mother's heart

One of the books on my reading list for 2012 is this book, A Mother's Heart by Jean Fleming.  
I'm reading it with the my Mom's group from church and it is so good!  It's painting such a great picture 
for me for what I should be doing as a mother.  


Sometimes the chapters are a slap across the face though and this last one definitely was for me.  Oh man it broke me.  The chapter was on love.  


Here are a couple excerpts from it....


"If I keep my house immaculately clean, and am envied by all for my interior decorating,

but do not show love in my family - I'm just another housewife.

If I'm always producing lovely things - sewing, art; if I always look attractive, and speak intelligently,  

but am not loving to my family - I am nothing.

If I'm busy in community affairs, teach Sunday schoo, and drive in the carpool,

but fail to give adequate love to my family - I gain nothing.

Love changes diapers, cleans up messes, and ties shoes - over and over again.

Love is kind, though tired and frazzled.

Love doesn't envy another wife - one whose children are "spaced" better, or in school 

so she has time to pursue her own interests.

Love doesn't try to impress others with my abilities or knowledge as a mother.

Love doesn't scream at the kids.

Love doesn't feel cheated because I didn't get to do what I wanted to do today - 

sew, read, soak in a hot tub.

Love doesn't lose my temper easily.

Love doesn't assume that my children are being naughty just because

their noise level is irritating.

Love doesn't rejoice when other people's children misbehave and make mine look good.

Love is genuinely happy when others are honored by their children."

-a paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 13, on mothering by Jean Fleming in "A Mother's Heart"


A Mother's Rights?


"Our society does not easily identify with Jesus' example of giving up His rights.  Instead we assert our rights: 'women's rights, children's rights, gay rights, minority rights.'  New categories are constantly being added to the list.
Mothers, too, can grasp for their rights, but sometimes they find their capacity to love is dissipated by their firm resolve to protect those rights.  A mother in one cartoon is seen tacking up a sign: 'Mother goes off duty at 8 p.m.' That seems fair enough, doesn't it?  After all, who has longer hours than a mother?  Should we perhaps organize or unionize to ensure our right to some time off?
The world urges us, 'Assert yourself,'  'Fulfill yourself,' 'Liberate yourself,' 'Please yourself.'  It seems like a step backwards.  Our lives are to be sacrificed for others, not in some sort of melodramatic martyr complex, but in following the daily challenge of Christ's example.  Listen to Jesus' words:


"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed.  But if it dies, it produces many seeds.  The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life."
John 12:24-25


A lot of times I can be so selfish.  My attitude while serving my children sometimes needs adjusting.  It was such a good reminder for me and I need to constantly be working on this and reminded that "it's not about me."  I want to be the best mom for my boys, that I can be and this book is a really great resource!