how am I feeling

about reaching 24 weeks...

scared.

excited.

relieved.

anxious.

paranoid.

worried.

yet confident.

doubt.

weird.

nervous.

thankful.

thankful.

I am so thankful to have made it this far with no big problems.

nervous.

Nervous about what the rest of this pregnancy will be like.  This is new territory for me. 

weird.

I really don't know how to feel sometimes....which is weird.

doubt.

can I actually do this?  

confident.

that things will actually go well this time around.  yes I can do this.

worried.

that at any moment my water could break.

paranoid.

every little thing makes me wonder if it's something more serious.  are those contractions? no, I'm just making that up....or am I? yes I must be. 

anxious.

anxious to meet this little guy so I know all this pregnancy worry is over.

relieved.

to have (almost) made it to my first goal! and every time I feel him move inside my belly.

excited.

to be a mom again and feel super blessed to have this opportunity.

scared.

Yes scared.  Of the unknown, of the coming weeks that I will relive what happened last time, that I could get h.e.l.l.p. again, that my water could break at any minute and even of having a c-section again (I had a horrible experience).

wrap all that together, tie it in a knot, throw it around a little and that's how I'm feeling about this week.  

I've been reliving that terrifying morning.  How scary it was.  And I look over at my perfectly healthy boy and squeeze him extra tight today.