Tuesday, October 16, 2012

the loss of a baby

"In October 1988, President Ronald Reagan declared October - National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month saying, 'When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them or the loss they suffer.'"

And I'll add to that, most of the time hardly anyone else knows about it because it was a baby that was lost early on in the pregnancy, before the excited parents had a chance to share with the world their news.  And so these parents burden their loss in silence most of the time.  The information is theirs to share or keep and most keep it too themselves.  I was blown away with the sheer number of moms who shared their loss with me after we lost our baby 2 years ago.  Before I faced any of my problems in pregnancy and then suffered the loss of our second child, I thought problems and loss were extremely rare.  But then it happened to me and I realized that a normal pregnancy with zero problems and a mom who has never lost a child from miscarriage is the rare thing.  Very rare unfortunately.  

All the complexities of getting pregnant and then all the things that have to come together to form the baby just perfectly are amazing and each baby is truly a miracle, when you consider all the things that could possibly go wrong.  

I really miss our sweet baby and think of him/her often.  What they would've looked like.  Their personality.  But for some reason God saw fit for him to bypass this world all together and he went straight to be with God forever.  He isn't suffering but it's me that's jealous that I didn't get the chance to get to know him (I feel like it was a boy, but only God knows).  To hold him, rock, him, snuggle him, take care of his boo boos.  

I treasure the two boys that I have and thank God for entrusting them to me to raise.  I never take them for granted because they, like all babies, are true miracles.  

So I'm praying for all of you out there that have suffered the loss of baby.  Whether early or later on in your pregnancy, it's still an incredible loss and of course harder if later on.  I think of precious baby Zane who is with Jesus today.  I think of his mommy and daddy and all the pain they've had to endure these past several months.  I often wonder why.  Why did he have to leave so early?  Why do any babies have to have such a short life?  Why?  That amongst other questions will be one of the first I ask God one day.  I know He has a specific plan and purpose for each of these babies we've lost.  I just wish I could see the big picture.  

But until then I trust.  Trust  His plan and pray for strength for those walking this hard road.


  1. Thank you for sharing this Marie...it is something I struggle with and we aren't even pregnant. Watching my mom lose 3 (I was 10 years old) and knowing it is genetic, I just get so worked up thinking about losing a sweet baby. But I remember, God's will be done. On earth and even in heaven, where so many of those precious little babies are.

  2. Oh, how heartbreaking! As a new adoptive Mommy who has never conceived, I can only imagine the pain!!!!! Our adoption journey was such an emotionally charged journey for me {and still is.} Your boys are precious!

  3. This is very sweet and sad. Thank you so much for mentioning Zane and thinking of him.

  4. what a great quote from a great president! im sorry for the loss of one of your children and it must be hard not to wonder about them what they would have looked, their features, their personalities. my mom lost one child but has never ever talked about it with me i wonder if it is too difficult